The first year

Today is the first anniversary of Stephen’s death.  I wanted to write about my last moments with him but every time I sit down to write about it, I start crying.  The images in my memory of my last day with him are too traumatic for me to write about at this time.  I’ve been crying off and on over the past few days.

Grief support resources indicate that normal grief lessens over time.  I have found no resources that address the lasting effects of being widowed for the second time.  I feel just as sad about losing Stephen as I did last year at this time.  And I now also think about Richard more often now after almost nine years after his death.

I’ll write my Last Moments post later when I am able to write without crying.  I wonder if that time will ever come.

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6 Responses to The first year

  1. ananya5march says:

    I wish you would have wrote more about your moments with him, but I can understand how hard it is. I will not say that I understand what you are going through, but all I will say is..if at anytime you want someone to talk to, I am right here with you. I will hear you out without trying to offer you advice or console you. Because you don’t need advice or condolences, all you need is someone who can hear you out.

    • Natasha says:

      Thank you. I appreciate your kind words. I will write that post as well as others that touch on the subject but I need a bit more time. It is important for me to get the words out so I can make sense of them.

  2. I do understand where you are coming from. It will be five years next week since I lost Karen and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of her. For me, writing about the memories — even right after her death — was a kind of therapy and I think it’s a testimony to her life when I relive those memories through the blogs. I only went through this once. I can’t imagine twice.

    • Natasha says:

      I don’t think the pain ever goes away. I find that writing about Richard and Stephen is therapeutic for me. I’m just having a difficult time writing the painful memories. I was told that Stephen wouldn’t want me to mope around about him. But I know he would want me to remember him as he also wanted me to remember my first husband.

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