Since Richard died almost nine years ago, it has been difficult for me to celebrate Christmas. The first year after his death, I put up and decorated our artificial 9-foot tree and felt that Richard was with me as I decorated it. Richard loved the Christmas season and would have been Santa Claus if the position had been offered to him.
Two years later, I gave the Christmas tree (as well as other household items) away to the daughter of a friend. The friend’s daughter had just lost everything in an apartment fire and was happy to receive donations from family and friends.
Stephen seemed anti-Christmas when I met him but began to warm up to the idea of celebrating Christmas again. The first year I lived with Stephen, I decorated just a bit and invited his daughter and neighbors to spend time with us during the holidays. Stephen told me that he might be ready the next year to put up a Christmas tree and possibly a few lights outside the house. He passed away just three months before the holidays and I would have enjoyed seeing him decorate the house.
I’m trying to get into the Christmas spirit. I am sending out Christmas cards and packages to my friends and relatives and I thought about buying a small tree for my house to lift my spirits.
I have been looking at small and large trees at various stores over the last two weeks. I went out today to look for trees at Target and Home Depot. Nothing seems to appeal to me. I think I’m just not ready yet to celebrate the holidays.